Q & A (Parenting)

This week's question is from P. M. in Massachusetts...

Hi Sunday,

Should I let my daughter stay overnight at her friend's house? I'm not asking for permission, but I am not sure I should say no. She is new to the school and just made friends, a sleepover is planned and I don't know the family or any of the other kids. I am afraid my daughter will be left out of other things if I say no. She has had sleepovers with friends at our old house, but I knew all the moms.
P.M.
Mass.


Hi P.,
Tricky indeed. You give no indication of her age, but most girls start sleepovers around age 10 and by age 15 are less likely to have issues in getting permission; I'll assume she is within those ages. Also, you stated she's had sleepovers at your home, but was it reciprocal with the known parents? 

If your caution has served you well, perhaps it isn't that you are as concerned with knowing who the parents are, but rather, knowing them well enough to allow your child to be in their care. Allowing sleepovers in your own home has given your daughter the feeling of being part of the group without your fears for her safety becoming an issue. 

I suggest getting to know the parents much better and finding out how they plan to entertain the girls for the evening. Ask the important questions: Will a parent be awake most of the night? The girls will be awake until the sun is up...or is that only in my experiences...  
Are there brothers in the home? If so, where will they be (sleeping)? Will they be allowed to go outside at all during the sleepover? Will anyone else be allowed into the home besides the invited girls? Who are the other girls (and their parents)? Will the parents have any visitors that night? Who else lives in the home (an aunt, uncle, grandparent, exchange student)? Is it a smoking house? Do the parents drink alcohol (will they drink while the girls are there)? What is the condition of the home (safe, clean)?

The key phrase here is "Get to know the parents much better!" before agreeing to any sleepovers. It doesn't matter if it is going on next door and you can see into their living room and if every girl in your daughter's class will be there. That doesn't matter. 

What matters is that her life and well being are paramount to you. You have to feel certain about the situation you put her in...millions of mothers have been in your place of question; most had nothing to worry about, what of the ones that did? This is the stuff that keeps you up at night. 

My mum always told me, "When in doubt say NO!" I sometimes round the bend in my thinking process tormenting myself with endless possibilities, outcomes that sound like the Forensic Files, and panic attacks. Then that wee voice in my head (no, not a crazy one) reminds me to mind my mother's wisdom. 

This made for unhappy moments in the Kazas home; my daughter could be angry with me, that didn't matter. What mattered was that she was with me, whilst being angry. 

In another post I'll explain ways I was able to keep sane during my daughter's teen years while still able to provide the freedom she so desired.

P.M. don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings over your parenting decisions; another caring parent understands such things and children get over disappointments when spoken to with care and respect. I also found it helpful to use diversion tactics--make a fun evening that competes with or overshadows what she'll be missing. It is more "work" for you this way, but you will forge a trusting and loving relationship greater than you can imagine from where you now stand.

Home Maintenance (Emergency Preparedness)

Storm-Season Sensibility and Beyond

Storm season is upon us once more and winter is not too far off. The natural state of affairs, or delighting in our seasons, coupled with the unrest in other parts of the world make this post timely. You'll note I have no suggestions for a zombie apocalypse--all I can say to that is "double tap". 

I am always willing to share my “Be Prepared” motto, and fun list of “Must-Have On-Hand Items”. Most items in the list should be kept handy all year long; there is always the possibility of a power outage. It is wise to consider the following suggestions in conjunction with the government’s checklist.

We lessen the burden on others, in the event of an emergency, when we are prepared as best possible, taking responsibility for ourselves and our families.

Storm-Preparedness Arsenal:

• Batteries (of various sizes for all products needed: flashlights, radios, lamps, etc.)
• Flashlights and lanterns
• Rechargeable flashlight (type that stays plugged into a wall outlet, when power is lost the flashlight is activated--using charged battery power; it is now a source of immediate light, on the wall, to guide you.)
• Masking tape to tape windows.
• Duct tape, tarps, and plastic to seal areas.
• Plywood and scrap wood (useful for covering and protecting windows. Long screws and (ideally) a drill (charged) should be kept nearby for this purpose.) 
• Assorted tools: hammer, screwdrivers, pry-bar, wrenches for gas and water meter shut-off's, assorted wrenches for other situations, nails, screws, staple gun, etc.
• Gas grill or charcoal grill (filled propane tank; charcoal and lighter fluid)
• Matches and lighters
• Hand can opener
• Food Items: (Un-refrigerated products for each person, for at least four days)
• Hermetically-sealed milks (soy, nut, dairy); do not require refrigeration until opened.
• Canned goods (Especially those that can be eaten without warming or cooking)
• Dry goods: crackers, wafers, biscuits, cereals, trail mix, nuts, seeds, and granola-type bars.
• Packaged fun foods (For the kids—to keep them thinking all is well: raisins, fruit leathers, popped popcorn, etc.)
• One gallon of water per person, per day, for 4 days (Used for drinking and personal hygiene.) Don’t forget hydration for pets.
• For babies: diapers, wipes, formula, and baby food.
• Feminine products
• Pet food
• Paper plates, plastic dinnerware, and plastic drinking cups. Don't forget paper goods!
• First aid kit: large enough for entire family--should include gauze, tape, scissors, alcohol pads, bandages, antibacterial cream/ointment, pain relievers, anti-diarrhea med., antacids, hot/cold pack, thermometer, plastic gloves, tweezers, hemostats, face masks, first aid directions, and anything else you have room for (examples: blood pressure kit, bottles peroxide & alcohol, suture kits, butterfly bandages, tourniquet, finger splints.)
  Whether bought as a kit or put together yourself, be sure to have the necessary items in one spot...preferably a bag or box that can be brought to the person in need and packed in an evacuation bag as needed.
• Additionally, a natural first aid kit would also be in my arsenal...but that's another post!

A generator would be the solution to stay self-sufficient in the event there are power outages but no evacuations. There are many sizes and prices. A small one might keep lights on and the TV airing, and a larger one would keep the furnace firing and the refrigerator chilling.

Other Storm-Preparedness Tasks:

• Fill propane tanks for grills or fire places.
• Fill automobile gas tanks (and snow blowers).
• Keep prescriptions filled and up-to-date (For Bipeds and quadrupeds!).
• Keep cell phones charged.
• A land-line phone that doesn’t require electricity will most likely work during a power outage, unless phone lines are down, too. Unfortunately, we have mostly given in to digital telephone services these days.
• Create an emergency plan with your family (know what to do, what to grab, who to call, where to go, and where to meet should you get separated—always have a “Plan B”.).
• Relocate items from the property that could become projectiles (including garbage cans). Store them in the garage, shed, or basement. Be sure loose shingles, gutters, wires, etc. are fastened to avoid further damage. NOTE: Do not repair power and utility lines yourself; always call on the appropriate companies to do so.
• If heat becomes an issue, conserve warmth by having everyone camp-out in the living room! An air mattress or two will make this a comfy way to tough-it-out. Sealing doorways or even setting up a tent will further your efforts.
• Sleeping bags
• Keep board games, playing cards, and art supplies accessible. Think about passing the time playing music…MP3 player with speakers or use the nifty new solar/crank radio or maybe playing instruments.

Crank and/or solar radios are great products to buy. There are many models with a wide price range. Some have AM/FM and shortwave frequencies, a weather band, and MP3 connection. Many offer hand crank, solar, and AC/DC as power sources. Others even have built in lanterns. Such a piece of electronics would not only be indispensable but also the sunny spot in a dark hour.

Consider buying solar chargers. Many sizes to fit your needs and budget: small chargers for cell phones, larger for small appliances, and still larger for larger needs. Many sources to power your needs means less drama for you and your family. Alternative sourced portable power isn't just for flashlights anymore.

In the Event of Emergency or Evacuation:

Should you get a knock on the door at 3 a.m., and you are in your P.J.’s—quite groggy, will you be able to get everything you need in the five to ten minutes you are given to leave your home? 

Consider the panic multiplied and amplified by each member of your household. The answer could be pre-packed emergency kits. The minimum they should contain follows.

• Overnight/Emergency packs for evacuation: Personal care items (toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant, washcloth, make-up, lotion, dental and orthodontic appliances, feminine products, etc.); change of clothes and shoes (don’t forget socks); medications and pain relievers; and important papers (birth certificates, social security cards, copies of account numbers, insurance policies or contact numbers, IDs, credit cards, medical cards, bank cards, important phone numbers, and anything else you would not want to leave behind to be destroyed or to be found by someone who isn’t a member of your family), first aid kit, glasses, a book or two to read, notebook and pens, deck of cards, travel games, hand sanitizer, baby wipes (extra--for all family members) for freshening, chewing gum, mints, snacks (granola bars, etc), ear plugs, flip flops (to wear in shower), hair ties & elastics, gloves & hats (weather appropriate), athletic shoes (there may be walking), travel sewing kit (safety pins, too), walkers or other devices for the physically challenged.
• Don’t forget baby…If you are evacuated to a shelter, baby food and formula probably will not await you. In addition to food, formula, diapers, and baby wipes, you will need 4-5 extra outfits, pacifiers, blankets, and at least one calming toy and book.
• Pet food and pet medications. Remember to bring pet carriers, leashes, and collars with tags (To identify the animal and for proof of vaccination. Leads for cats are a good idea, too.) for each pet.
• Create a list of medications and dosage for each family member along with any medical considerations that may become emergent. Each person should keep a copy of their list on their person (consider laminated cards), in the event of separation or unconsciousness. Medical ID jewelry should be worn, as well. 

You can add as much as you like to your bags...each person could have their minimum and an additional item for all to share. Some "preppers" put up canned goods and build shelters, others pack mess kits, tents, and inflatable boats! It's all very personal.

NOTE: Zipper-lock bags are great for keeping items separate and dry in your packs. Storing papers in plastic bags is a good idea—vacuum sealing is best. What a great use for that machine! To ensure safe, dry transport of your important papers, matches, even socks, vacuum seal your way to peace of mind.

Backpacks make excellent evacuation or emergency bags. They are easy to store and comfortable to carry. Each family member should have their own. 

They can be packed at the beginning of each season and left in a closet—in the hope of never using them.

An additional bag could be packed at evacuation time with less important contents: books and activities, photos, music, a special sleeping bear, blanket, etc...  Keep an empty bag for this purpose with the "E-Bag" or "Bug-Out Bag". 

You don’t know how long you might be evacuated—whether on foot or by car. Your vehicle should also have an emergency kit and a first aid kit. They can be bought pre-packaged or you can make your own using a duffel bag or plastic (snapping) shoe box or a back pack to contain the items. Blankets (maybe even a pillow or two) stored in the trunk will be welcome if you are stuck somewhere, are at the drive-in, or the kids fall asleep on the long ride home from Uncle Nikos’ house.

This fast-paced world does not allow for tragedy or mishap. Devastation to your home and life are compounded when having to start over without the necessary “papers”. To track down everything needed is more than an inconvenience. 

In addition to carrying important documents, cards, and contact information with you after fleeing your home, it is wise to have files backed up on thumb drives. You will have them with you to help you put your life back together should the worst befall you. 

Keeping the entire packet of important papers and thumb drive in a safe place (like a fire box) is wise. Should you need to pack and run, it will all be together for you to add to your other Bug-Out items.

Use a thumb drive or two to secure irreplaceable memories: photos, scanned mementos, videos, etc. You could also scan important documents, tax returns, receipts, payment stubs, bill and statement information, worksheets, reports, music, and that novel you've been writing.  Back it up with a second thumb drive and keep them in separate bags. 

USB (thumb drive) medical records are big now. Patients can keep import medical information (useful if rescue is called) within the reach of those able to help save their lives.

The time to think about planning is now, today. Don't wait until you are scurrying to find everything you need while in a panic. There will be enough to worry about in an emergency; think ahead and be kind to your future self.

A little planning and a little praying goes a long way.

For more information go to www.ready.gov

Q & A (Health--Cholesterol and Statins)

This week's question is from J. D. in W. Warwick, RI.

How can I lower my cholesterol naturally so I can stop taking statins?

Cholesterol. How can something we need in our bodies be so bad for us, too? Well, simply stated, more is not better..., and high cholesterol levels proves this maxim.

Cholesterol is a fat (lipid) and a sterol (hormones known as steroids are made from this). Its essential functions in our bodies are to make hormones and vitamin D, forming outer cell walls, and bile acids (for digestion).
We manufacture cholesterol even without eating it in our diets; the body can over-manufacture cholesterol when certain factors are present--heredity, over-consumption of high cholesterol or high-fat foods, or the inadequate use of cholesterol when producing bile.

I won't get into what your numbers should be and all the available medications, you've either heard it before, or you should be asking your doctor to explain the cholesterol fun facts. What I will share with you today are some things you might not hear in your doctor's office, but I add, always speak with your physician before embarking on dietary changes that are significant (especially when adding supplements). "Natural" does not automatically mean safe. Herbs can interact with other herbs and medications. Herbs are the natural or original forms of most medications, usually safer but not always safer. You can also ask your pharmacist about mixing your medications with herbs and supplements.

Each of us is a bio-individual--what works for one is not certain for another; add to that our dietary and medical differences and you have a biological lottery of possible horrific outcomes--the least of which is death...considering life from a vegetative state being the worst possible scenario. I cannot stress enough the importance of taking seriously the use of supplements. Anything in too large amounts is not healthy especially if contraindicated with another medication or herb or vitamin. Substances interact with each other--to help or to harm; by nature they are to do something...

Now that I have terrified you into submission, you are ready for the useful lists of foods to eat, foods to minimize or avoid, supplements to aid digestion and reduce cholesterol, and lifestyle support (note I did not say changes).

I have just started growing a group of glossary/fact pages for all the bits of knowledge necessary to further explain subjects posted in this blog. See the tabs at the top of the page.

Do not expect your cholesterol to plummet and your statin days to be a memory cast aside like a treacherous ex-spouse because you ate some beans and drank green tea. This lifestyle may take getting accustomed to, and you may be able to reduce (or remove) your dependency on pharmaceuticals, but there are no absolutes. Remember, bio-individuality and all the factors of your life. Pay close attention to how you feel and report changes to your doctor immediately.

I don't want to sound like a downer, I want you to be successful in gaining control of your body and its systems. I also don't want to sound cavalier about natural medicine or its affects to your health.

Foods to Eat to Help Lower Cholesterol

Whole grains (oats, barley, oat bran), fresh fruits (high fiber types: pears, apples, raspberries), vegetables (artichokes, broccoli, peas), beans, lentils, split peas, garlic, onions, mushrooms, yogurt, nuts and seeds (about a handful--raw not roasted: walnuts, pistachios, almonds), green tea, avocados, and extra-virgin olive oil (unheated). 

Meat eaters should avoid visible fat and skin. Chicken and fish are the best choices. In fact, fish oil from mackerel, salmon, herring, halibut, and sardines are loaded with Omega-3 fatty acids--good for lowering blood pressure and keeping your heart healthy when eaten in moderation.

Flax seeds also contain omega-3 fatty acids in lesser amounts. Flax seeds should not be heated or toasted. Their vital fatty acids are rendered not only useless, but rancid once cooked due to their delicate balance.

Foods to Minimize/Avoid

Refined foods (white sugar and flour), processed foods (boxed breakfast cereals, white pasta), fat-laden dairy (milk, cheese, ice cream), animal fats, fried foods, red meats, salty foods (chips, salted nuts, snack foods, canned soup), sodas and soft drinks, and bottled juices (better to eat the fruit rather than to drink a pasteurized, processed juice).

Animal products contain cholesterol, plant products do not.

Supplements

Brewer's yeast*
Red yeast rice*
Nutritional yeast*
Niacin*
Green tea or green tea supplement
Milk thistle tea or milk thistle seed extract
Dandelion root tea
Cinnamon caps or cinnamon added to oatmeal or tea--1 tsp. per day (also helps manage blood glucose levels)
Maitake mushroom extract
Essential fatty acid complex (EFA oil caps--especially omega-3 rich)
Panax ginseng (protects the liver), taken in extract or capsule or tea
Digestive enzymes (capsules before or during a meal--chewables are also available, but may contain sugars)
Probiotic capsules
Cholesterol blended product, specific to lowering or improving cholesterol and used in conjunction with the above intermittently. Read dosage on labels. Example: Cholesta-Lo

Herbs to stimulate the body to heal itself, not to do the work for the body!

Lifestyle Support

Reduce body weight--it's always in the answer if you are overweight at all. Every 10 lbs. overweight produces extra cholesterol every day.

Regular exercise--daily exercise (even 10 minutes) will lower LDLs and raise HDLs (as well as boost circulation).

Each day pray, meditate, sing, or whatever you do to calm down and relax to a peaceful state or to routinely reduce stress. Stress does more harm in the body than you can imagine. As an example, when you are stressed or experience fear...even for a moment, the body excretes B-vitamins in the urine. B-vitamins are necessary for nerve health (and keeping cholesterol in check). Do you see the cycle? All systems of the body affect each other.

Eliminate all forms of tobacco--nicotine raises cholesterol.

Eat smaller meals towards the end of the day for best metabolism; snacks should be no larger than your fist.

Increase fiber in your diet with plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, oats and oat bran, cooked beans and peas, and nuts and seeds.

Drink 8 to 9 8-oz. glasses of water per day; more if you exercise or sweat from hot weather. Water is necessary to all organs and systems to do their jobs, to maintain body temperature, and to hydrate skin and lubricate joints.

*Please, see the Supplement page (tabbed at top of page) for usage/dosage and warnings.